Life after love
by myra-5
Summary: Rose goes on after Titanic. She finds an special way of dealing with her grief...
1. Default Chapter

A cold and strong wind played wildly with her hair and stroke her face as if to comfort her.  
  
But Rose Dawson couldn't care less.  
  
It had been two months now and still she blocked the world out.  
  
She had pushed reality to arm's length and she didn't let it come any closer.  
  
For two months she had done nothing but mourning without tears, without giving in to her grief.  
  
But now staring at the Statue of Liberty, tears flowed freely, uncontrollably.  
  
All that time, Rose had been a sculpture of ice, now finally that ice started to melt.  
  
The silent pier had brought many memories back to surface.  
  
Memories she had kept away from her for so long, memories she had buried in the darkest corner of her heart.  
  
She wanted to run away from this place but her feet wouldn't move.  
  
They felt as grown into the wooden ground beneath her.  
  
The sun was slowly setting in the extensive ocean, leaving an orange, pink and purple glimmer in the velvet sky.  
  
The image was breathtaking and Rose looked at it amazed.  
  
Tears were pricking her eyes but she couldn't look away, it was as if she was forced to stare at that magnificent sunset.  
  
High above her, in the sky, sea - gulls danced in the clouds and for the first times in those two months Rose felt at ease and the pain seemed to be slipping from her attention.  
  
The pier was abandoned and within eyesight there was no living soul.  
  
And yet Rose didn't feel alone, she felt sheltered and safe in a way she had never felt before.  
  
Although the wind was freezing and could cut someone's flesh, Rose felt warm inside, as if her fire was heating up again.  
  
For two months that fire had been laid low, but it had never flared out.  
  
Her tears were dried and she felt comforted.  
  
The sun was now down and a beautiful full moon lit the night.  
  
Thousands of stars hang in the night sky and looked like ingenious cut diamonds.  
  
The night belonged to her, it was then they met and shared a part of their lives with each other.  
  
Night was like a gift to Rose, only then she was real, only then she truly lived.  
  
A shooting star left a golden streak in the dark air.  
  
Instinctively Rose made a wish: Make the pain go away, please.  
  
Suddenly taken by a deep exhaustion, Rose made her way home through the black streets of New York City.  
  
After a firm walk, she arrived home: a huge apartment building in the middle of the city.  
  
When she landed in New York she found an apartment far more suiting than a room in an overcrowded boarding house.  
  
She was proven right; she enjoyed the fact that she had her own place to come home to.  
  
It wasn't as luxurious as she was used to but she had started a new life, an independent life, as a new person: Rose Dawson. And she was proud of what she had achieved so far.  
  
Not too long after arriving here, she found a job as a waitress in a respectable tea - house where she had found a friend for life: John Calvert.  
  
He was a noble and generous man with a huge sense of humor.  
  
Especially that last quality of him had attracted Rose to him; he was the only one who had been able to make her laugh.  
  
John had been there for her when she needed a shoulder to lean on, he was there when she wanted to talk to someone, they shared that same passion and fire.  
  
It was that fire that made them such good friends.  
  
The apartment building looked threatening in the frigid night air.  
  
There was no light in this alley and at night it was home to ghosts and evil spirits if Rose should believe the children who lived here.  
  
They were all very dear to Rose, in particularly Suzie, the seven year old daughter of Mrs. Armstrong who lived in the apartment above Rose's.  
  
At night she could hear Suzie and her older brother Christopher, Chris for short, fighting in their bedroom they had to share to the dislike of both of them.  
  
It made her laugh inside as Mrs. Armstrong tried to calm them down before her husband would wake up.  
  
In fact, Rose got along with everyone of the building, even Mrs. Russell who always gossiped about half of the city.  
  
Mrs. Russell was an elderly lady whose husband had died about two years ago.  
  
She was as friendly as can be but just very curious and unable to stay out of someone else's problems but always with the best intentions.  
  
In some way Mrs. Russell reminded Rose of her grandmother, her father's mother.  
  
Always sticking her nose in things that had no concern to her but she was always there with good advice.  
  
She was so completely different for her other grandmother who was just as stiff and emotionless has her own mother.  
  
Rose had pledged herself never to become that way and that was an intention that she would keep always.  
  
Another promise she would keep for life.... 


	2. Chapter Two

The building had the same odor it always had: a mixture of fresh baked bread and the penetrating smell of the salty sea.  
  
The bread was easy to figure out, Mrs. White was a living legend for her delicious home made bread in this part of the city, but the scent of the ocean was incomprehensible.  
  
As soon as she stepped into her apartment the loneliness came back again.  
  
Her heart ached every time she opened her door and no one was there.  
  
Inside she still hoped that one day she would open up the door and Jack would be standing there, that he was alive again.  
  
"When will this stop? I can't take it anymore."  
  
Rose stepped in the bathroom and splashed some water on her face.  
  
She was surprised by her own reflection in the mirror.  
  
Her red hair hang spiritless around her pale cheeks and her eyes were sore and swollen.  
  
This isn't me, she thought. This isn't the woman Jack fell in love with.  
  
I promised him I would go on, but the way I'm going I won't make it another month. But I can't help it.  
  
This feeling won't let go of me.  
  
I can't give in to it, I wouldn't...  
  
I promise Jack, I'll get my life back on track.  
  
Silently she got undressed and slipped between the sheets.  
  
"Goodnight Jack." she whispered as she closed her eyes and drifted in a deep and peaceful dream.  
  
They were together....  
  
A warm ray of golden sunlight lightened the room and made her stir.  
  
It was still very early in the morning but outside the birds competitively sang their song to each other.  
  
A quiet knock on the door interrupted the glorious morning's peace.  
  
"Who is it?" Rose asked as she hastily got out of bed and started to gather her clothes.  
  
"It's Mrs. Armstrong love."  
  
"And Suzie." a familiar voice yelled.  
  
"I'll be right there." Rose answered nervously as she was trying to put on her corset.  
  
With her corset lightly tied and the same dress she wore yesterday she opened the door.  
  
"Sorry for the waiting. Please do come in."  
  
"No, really. We're on our way to the store. I just wanted to check in on you, in case you overslept."  
  
"That is very kind of you Mrs. Armstrong."  
  
"To credit should go to Suzie, she was the one who suggested it."  
  
The little one beamed with pride.  
  
"Thank you Suzie. That was very sweet of you. Just between you and me, I woke up when you knocked. Without you, I would have overslept...."  
  
"I won't tell if you won't."  
  
"Deal?"  
  
"Deal!"  
  
Mrs. Armstrong looked with joy at the tender scene.  
  
"What was it that you wouldn't say?" she asked playfully.  
  
"Can't tell you. It's our little secret." Suzie answered while pointing at Rose who gave her a wink.  
  
"Well Rose," Mrs. Armstrong continued, "if there is anything, anything at all just let me know. Even if you just want to chat a little..."  
  
"Thank you so very much Mrs. Armstrong." as Rose gave the woman a hug.  
  
"And you," talking to Suzie," don't go blabbing our secret. See you later. I really have to get ready for work."  
  
"Okay, bye."  
  
Quickly Rose chased a comb through her hair and made sure she didn't look like the wreck she was yesterday.  
  
She grabbed her coat and left her apartment in a great hurry so she would still make it there in time  
  
As she opened the building door she felt the cold closing in on her and she pulled her coat tightly around her, stepped out and continued her boring way to work...  
  
Outside it was almost unbearably cold and the sun had no power over the freezing wind.  
  
Though it was middle of June, the whole world seemed trapped in bitter winter.  
  
The streets were deserted and so Rose was able to take on a firm step.  
  
Rose had the impression the cold didn't want to let go of her.  
  
The walk was long and unpleasant and yet incredibly soothing.  
  
Rose had left for work with a feeling of exhaustion and fear but they disappeared with every step she took.  
  
The closer she got to work, the busier the streets became.  
  
New York started to wake up.  
  
A soft sigh left her lips as she entered 'The Witters Tea - House'.  
  
In the whole room there was no living soul to be seen and Rose decided to have a look in the kitchen.  
  
The warmth of the stove heated her face as she opened the door.  
  
Somewhere in the corner she spotted John, getting a breakfast ready.  
  
"Hello, John. It's me." 


	3. Chapter Three

Kind of surprised the man turned round to see Rose enter the door. The man was of good length, somewhere in his middle twenties and his brown hair was a bit longer than fashion demanded but not as long as Jack's hair was, Rose always thought when she saw him.  
  
"There you are. I thought I had heard something."  
  
He had a warm and pleasant voice but a little bit too deep in Rose's opinion; it always reminded her of Cal's voice.  
  
"It's very calm today..." Rose said in an ascent tone.  
  
"That's because we aren't open yet."  
  
Rose looked at him in incomprehension.  
  
"Then why did you want me to come so early?"  
  
"I wanted to talk to you, in private."  
  
Suddenly Rose felt very uncomfortable.  
  
He led her to a table in other corner.  
  
"Rose, we only just met but I really like you and..." John in a low voice.  
  
'No please, don't do this to me.' kept running through Rose's mind.  
  
"And, I'm worried about you."  
  
Rose eyes grew wide at those words.  
  
"What do you mean?" she asked surprised.  
  
"I've got a feeling that you're not telling me everything about your past. There is more, isn't there? Something you try to hide."  
  
In her eyes the truth showed as Rose stood up and wanted run out the door somehow she couldn't.  
  
"It's true, isn't it?" John asked again, now certain after her strange reaction.  
  
Rose sat down again and thought about what she should say.  
  
He knew she was hiding something, there was no use denying it but she couldn't tell him about Jack, she wasn't ready for that yet. She decided to tell the truth without telling him about Jack.  
  
"Yes, it's true."  
  
"Whatever it is, it really seems to bother you. Rose, you can tell me, I'll listen."  
  
Tears pricked her eyes and nothing in her entire body seemed to co - operate but in a shaky voice she spoke: "My real name isn't Rose Dawson."  
  
John stared at her in amazement.  
  
"Who are you really?" he asked softly.  
  
Rose sighted deeply and answered: "I'm Rose DeWitt Bukater."  
  
Confused John looked around the kitchen without even saying a word.  
  
"She's dead. She died on board the Titanic. It's been in every newspaper in the damn country."  
  
"No, she didn't. She's sitting right in front of you."  
  
John shook his head in disbelief.  
  
"That can't be. Rose, don't play tricks with me."  
  
"I'm not. If you give me the time, I'll explain."  
  
John could see in her eyes that she wasn't lying.  
  
"Two months ago, me and my fiancé Caledon Hockley boarded Titanic after a vacation in Europe. We were going to get married in three weeks."  
  
John hadn't moved since she started to tell her story, he barely even breathed.  
  
"I wasn't happy, though. I felt like my mother and Cal were suffocating me and I wanted to break free. When the ship hit that iceberg, I finally had that chance. I couldn't take it anymore... I gave up my seat in a lifeboat and ran away from it all. I ran to freedom."  
  
John looked at her in amazement.  
  
"I'll never forget the horror I saw there. Everything went so fast and yet so very slow. I watched children being separated from their father, women dragged away from their husbands..."  
  
By now her whole body trembled as she spoke and tears streamed down her cheeks.  
  
"I saw things you don't even see in your worst nightmares. People being tossed between life and death, nature playing with lives as if they were little puppets. Titanic had overpowered the elements, they said. Nature had its own horrible revenge. The ship that was unsinkable got eaten by the ocean, along with every soul that was on it.  
  
The memory made her even angry.  
  
So many people died that night, people who never deserved to die, good people, brave people, people who had beautiful lives, a family to take care of! Now those people are just another number, a statistic figure while they were real human beings with their own problems, joys and life! The newspapers tell so many lies: the gates of third class were closed; third class passengers were left to drown no matter what they say. I know the truth. I was there! There were only enough lifeboats for half the people aboard; I even discussed it with Mr. Andrews, the ship's builder, the day of the sinking. And the lifeboats weren't even filled to full capacity. The ship didn't sink in whole, it broke in half as it sank, I was on it, I saw the terror. Why are all these lies being told? Who gains with lying that the ship was completely intact when it went down, it's gone now isn't it? It's only the first class passengers who testified, none of them were even on the ship as it sank, they were safe in a lifeboat!" For the first time, John spoke: "How did you survive then?"  
  
"When the ship was down, I ended up in the freezing water. I can't even describe what it's like. Someone who was very close to me, said it felt like a thousand knives stabbing all over your body. You can't breathe, you can't think, at least not about anything but the pain.  
  
That's the way it felt, I guess. I made my way through the huge crowd and I found a piece of wood floating around. I just climbed on it and waited for a life to come.  
  
I'll never forget the cries for help, the screams of pain and knowing there is nothing that you can do to help and that the ones who can don't give a damn whether you live or die.  
  
A few hours later a lifeboat finally came and took me aboard.  
  
1500 people went into the sea, when Titanic sank from under us.  
  
There were twenty boats floating nearby and only one came back, ONE.  
  
Six were saved from the water, myself included, six out of 1500.  
  
Afterwards, the people in the boats had nothing to do but wait. Wait to die, wait to live, wait for an absolution that will never come.  
  
When I got on Carpathia, I did nothing but avoid Cal who came looking for me, of course. When he couldn't find me, he thought I was dead.  
  
When a steward came to take my name, I knew if I told him who I really was, it would be too easy for Cal to track me down, so I baptized myself into Rose Dawson.  
  
And to be honest, Rose DeWitt Bukater died that night along with the Titanic, but a new woman was born: Rose Dawson." 


	4. Chapter Four

John stared at his hands and was even afraid to look up to Rose who was quietly sobbing opposite him.  
  
He felt ashamed doubting Rose.  
  
Ever since he noticed something weird going on with Rose, he started wondering what it could be.  
  
Never had he even thought about anything like this.  
  
But now he knew the truth, everything became very clear to him.  
  
Rose did appear a few days after the Carpathia had arrived.  
  
She never seemed interested in the newspapers covering the event and whenever he started talking about Titanic, she always ran away with some lame excuse having a lot of work but incapable of hiding the sadness and grief in her eyes.  
  
'I should have known.' is all he could think about.  
  
'It's my fault she feels so awful again. She experienced it all again because of me!' blew his mind to pieces.  
  
Also the story and truth of Titanic that Rose had shared with him grabbed his throat and it didn't seem to let go of it.  
  
"I'm so sorry." was all he could force out his mouth.  
  
Even he didn't know rather he was sorry for bringing the memories back to surface or because of what she had been through; probably for both, his mind didn't really seemed to be working at full force.  
  
Rose looked at him with a face that ripped John's heart out of his chest.  
  
Even now she managed a little smile.  
  
A deathly silence hung in the air and was killing both of them.  
  
"Why didn't you come to me sooner, Rose?"  
  
"I just couldn't. I still have a hard time even thinking about it. And yet the nightmares come each night. I'll never forget that night for as long as I live. It will always be a part of me."  
  
"I understand. I want you to know you can trust me. I'm here for you when you need me."  
  
"Thanks, John." was all she could put into words.  
  
They looked at each other, not knowing what to say.  
  
John had to careful not to blush, always as he looked at her he started to fly.  
  
How could he tell her what he felt?  
  
After what she'd been through, this is probably the last thing she wants and yet he couldn't keep it inside any longer and so he took a deep breath.  
  
"Rose," his voice was shaking terribly "there's something I wanted to say ever since I met you..."  
  
Rose's eyes grew wide as she knew what was going to follow.  
  
"I love you, Rose. I can't hide it anymore. I have to be honest with you."  
  
Rose stared at him in shock. What could she do? She couldn't hurt him but she didn't love him, she still loved Jack.  
  
"Look, you don't have to answer right here, right now. I understand. I promised myself I wasn't going to tell you but it just got too powerful. It's just that when I look in your eyes, I see millions of stars in them, all shining brightly in the glow of your soul."  
  
Tears were filling Rose's eyes. In his words, she could feel he meant it but her heart didn't even show the slightest emotion.  
  
They were warm words landing on a stone cold heart.  
  
"John, I don't know what to say...." she answered "but I want you to understand that I just don't need love in my life right now. I don't even know who I am, how can I share that with someone else? I feel friendship for you, I really do. But that's all that I can offer, a deep friendship."  
  
"I can't lie to you by saying I have enough with that but I know you need some time and I don't want to make you feel pushed or ordered."  
  
"Thanks, John. It's not you, I swear. It's me. I'm not ready for it yet. I want to discover who I am and what I want to do, I want to experience it, alone. I want to live the life I've always dreamed of."  
  
"I understand..." his voice was soft and weak and couldn't hide his disappointment.  
  
Rose lifted herself out of her chair and said: "I think we've still got some work to do. Didn't you have a breakfast on the stove?"  
  
"Shit." was all he could say as he ran towards the corner where he had left his eggs on the fire.  
  
Rose couldn't suppress a soft laughter and looked at him with a mixture of mock and pity.  
  
"Is a slice of bread and some jam alright with you?" John asked a little shy and ashamed.  
  
"That's okay." Rose said to him. In her eyes he could read her understanding and felt a little more at ease.  
  
Silently Rose gathered two plates and two glasses and sat the table.  
  
It was a habit that when she needed to work an early shift, she ate breakfast at the tea - house.  
  
During their breakfast neither of them said much, all they discussed was the weather.  
  
The day passed slowly and yet it was evening before Rose had a clue.  
  
All day, she had been thinking about John and what to say to him, how she could explain herself without lying or revealing Jack.  
  
The last thing she wanted was to hurt John; he had been so good to her.  
  
Thanks to him, she found a decent, well - paid job and a best friend.  
  
How could she let him down?  
  
She knew that her answer of a few hours ago had eased his head but not his heart.  
  
She of all people understood the pain of an unrequited love, or at least the feeling of not being able to be with the one you adore...  
  
The tearoom was filled with people and still Rose felt alone.  
  
Would she ever lose that feeling of emptiness?  
  
John hadn't spoken to her for the rest the day, and he sat in a corner of the room, tears were in his eyes and Rose was the only one who could see them.  
  
The sun had set a long time ago and now darkness ruled the city.  
  
Rose realized it was time to go home but she didn't want to leave John like this.  
  
She just couldn't.  
  
Everyone left, one by one, leaving Rose and John alone.  
  
Silently Rose walked up to him and seated herself in the chair next to him.  
  
He didn't even look up.  
  
"Do you want to talk?" Rose asked shy but friendly.  
  
"Everything has been said." was the bitter answer.  
  
"I don't think so; you wouldn't be sitting here like a dead plant."  
  
"I just want to be alone right now. If you want to rip my heart out of my chest and dance on it, I would appreciate it if you would do it some other time."  
  
"Why are you so cruel to me?" her voice was shaking and tears welled up in her eyes.  
  
"Why are you?" John looked at her for a brief moment and then pointed his attention back to the floor.  
  
"John, I... I..." she could find the right words, not even after searching for hours.  
  
He looked in her eyes and Rose could read the pain and disappointment in them.  
  
"John, I need time... I'm just not..."  
  
"How much time?" he interrupted her suddenly.  
  
"I'm just not ready for it John. I don't know when I will be. It could be days, months, years even..."  
  
"I can't wait that long Rose. I can't."  
  
"I can't control who I fall in love with, and neither can you. I know that."  
  
'I certainly know that' rushed through her mind.  
  
"But why, Rose? Why? Is it that I'm not good enough? Because I'm no Caledon Hockley with money coming out of my ass?"  
  
"Of course not, John. I ran away from that life, remember? It's got nothing to do with money. It's just not the right time for me right now."  
  
John stared at her for a couple of minutes, minutes that closed Rose's throat, bit by bit.  
  
"Is there someone else?"  
  
Rose felt the blood leaving her cheeks and she became deathly pale.  
  
Her eyes burned with tears and she quickly tossed her look to the other side of the room.  
  
"So there is. Why didn't you tell straight away?"  
  
"It's not what you think. Not the way you think. I... I... I can't talk about it."  
  
Hot tears streamed down her cheeks and dripped on the floor.  
  
"Rose, is there something you can talk about? Please let me know if there is!"  
  
At that John stood up, grabbed his coat and stormed out, leaving Rose alone.  
  
'What have I done?' she asked herself over and over again  
  
'I just wanted to help and now things are only worse.'  
  
Desperately she looked around the empty room.  
  
"I can't stay here." she said to herself.  
  
She took her coat that hung over a chair and left the door after locking it firmly.  
  
The frigid night air felt cold on her heated skin and made her shiver.  
  
She pulled her coat closer around her.  
  
High in the sky, a million stars lit the night.  
  
The moon was barely visible but that slipped Rose's mind as she made her way home.  
  
She decided to go home by a circuitous, she needed time to think.  
  
The thought of John ached her heart and she figured he'd be probably be in a filthy bar drinking beer to get drunk and forget everything.  
  
The quietness in the streets was something she had missed for so long and she enjoyed it so very much.  
  
'This is the first time I can hear myself think.' she smiled to herself.  
  
She looked up to the sky and was overwhelmed by the number of stars high above her.  
  
"I know you're watching over me. I love you, Jack" she said, nearly above a whisper... 


	5. Chapter Five

The rest of the way home was quiet and Rose had never felt herself so safe, only when Jack had held her in his arms.  
  
The very thought of it, made Rose warm inside but her heart became ice old.  
  
The building looked the same as when she left it and as usual everyone was already asleep and Rose tried not to make too much noise.  
  
The door creaked like hell and Rose was scared it had woken someone up.  
  
The light of the stars shone through the window and drew beautiful pictures on the wall.  
  
Suddenly taken by a fatigue, Rose changed and slipped between the sheets.  
  
For minutes she twisted and turned a thousand times and finally decided to give up her struggle.  
  
She lay on her side and stared at the stars.  
  
They always had something special to Rose, ever since she was a little girl.  
  
As she thought back to the hundreds of times she spent the night in a drafty tent in the middle of the garden, just to be able to stare at the stars at night drew a swift smile on her lips.  
  
"Remember Daddy, how you used to smuggle cookies and milk to me and we watched the stars together."  
  
Rose stroke her finger over the sheet and thought back.  
  
You taught me everything I should know about them: where the polar star is, the different planets, the signs of the zodiac.  
  
You taught me so much I should be thankful for. And I am, I really am. It's because of you that I know what the word 'love' means. Otherwise, I never would have known.  
  
It seemed as if the stars shined even brighter than before.  
  
"Jack, I miss you but I know you're with me. I can feel it. Sometimes I wonder if you were an angel, descended to earth to save me. I don't know. All I know is that I love you and that I'll keep my promise."  
  
Tears were streaming uncontrollably but it released the pain that had been locked in her throat for so long.  
  
"Jack, I wish we would have had more time together. There are so many little things I don't know about you but when you touched me and looked into my eyes, I felt I knew it all. I don't understand, isn't our purpose in life to find our true love?  
  
That if you find that love and lose it again, what's left then? I read a beautiful old Greek story once: In the beginning of time, man had done the Gods wrong and so the Gods had drawn a sword and cut the people in two equal parts and spread them over the world with but one goal in life: to find that other part of them and be whole again. I feel that's what happened to us too.  
  
When you held me in your arms, I felt safe and whole.  
  
One with you. Then fate broke my happiness again, by taking you away.  
  
What's left for me here? All I was, died with you and what's left is an empty shell. I just want one answer: WHY?  
  
I wanted a life with you, I'd make you happy, we would have beautiful children, we would grow old together."  
  
Silently she stared out the window, into the grand world of the stars.  
  
"I know you're there."  
  
A shooting star drew a golden ray in the sky.  
  
"Do you remember that shooting star we saw on Titanic? I wished for you that night. I never expected that love could fill someone so sudden and complete.  
  
To me, our love is that star.  
  
Warm, true and forever. My love for you will never flare out, it's locked inside my heart and it will stay there forever. As perfect as it is..."  
  
She closed her eyes and quickly drifted into a deep sleep.  
  
By the beautiful smile on her face, you could see where she was and who was there.  
  
She was in their stars, they were together... 


	6. Chapter Six

A cloud of smoke floated through the room with its yellow lighting.  
  
John stared in his glass and he was lost in thought.  
  
He tried to get Rose out of his mind and have a good time but somehow she wouldn't leave his head.  
  
Her soft laughter resounded in his ear, her sweet smile greeted him everywhere and her deep, blue eyes where printed in his memory.  
  
He felt bad about the fight they had a few hours ago.  
  
He couldn't grasp the fact that he had been angry with her, he thought she could never do anything wrong in his eyes.  
  
An old man took a seat in the chair in front of him, John didn't even look up.  
  
"What's wrong, sonny?" the man asked friendly.  
  
His voice was warm and concerned.  
  
John took another sip of his beer and didn't say anything.  
  
"You're in love, aren't you?"  
  
John suddenly looked at the man in surprise.  
  
"I saw it immediately as you walked in here. Who is she?"  
  
Normally John would have found the man very rude but there was something in his eyes that had enchanted him, he couldn't do anything but answer.  
  
"The most beautiful woman you've ever seen."  
  
The man laughed fatherly and said: "I could give you a hundred names of the most beautiful woman in the world."  
  
John released a soft sigh as he brought his glass back to his lips.  
  
"You know boy, getting yourself drunk isn't going to solve your problems. Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
John looked at the man, head to toe.  
  
"I know I'm old, sonny but that means I've seen the world and that I've learned a lot over the years."  
  
John wanted to talk to someone for hours but he never found the right person and he felt his heart rush in his chest.  
  
"Rose, that's her name, Rose came into my life about two months ago. I fell in love the first time I ever laid eyes on her. For two months I tried to hide it but today it just became too much for me and I confessed my love..."  
  
"And she didn't take like you wanted her to." the man interrupted him suddenly.  
  
"Yes, she didn't react as I wanted." John said absent - minded.  
  
"How did you want her to react? Jumping in your arms and saying she wants to marry you within the hour?" in his voice a sound of mock was noticeable and he started to laugh softly.  
  
John gave him a dirty look and the next moment the man was serious.  
  
"Son, have you ever thought about how her life is going?"  
  
John had to admit he hadn't.  
  
"You see, maybe she's just not ready for it yet..."  
  
"Those are her exact words." John whispered.  
  
"I think they're the truth. Women are different from men when it comes to love. THow old is she?"  
  
"Seventeen, I thought." a certain doubt spoke aloud in his answer.  
  
"So very young. She's not ready for that kind of commitment yet. She wants to explore the world, see what she has seen in her dreams and have adventures." his voice sounded wise and true, understanding.  
  
John stared out the window, into the dark night.  
  
"Just give her some time..." ringed in his head a thousand times.  
  
When he looked back, the man had disappeared.  
  
He couldn't care less, but the man had listened and he had to admit that a huge weight had fallen of his chest.  
  
Confused John stood up and paid his bill.  
  
In his head the words of the man kept rolling over and over, as a film.  
  
The night was cold and unpleasant but John didn't care.  
  
His thoughts were with Rose.  
  
Her scent of wildflowers, her soft touch on his hand, her red lips, and her eyes.  
  
Her eyes, a deep pool of blue, a place you could easily drown in.  
  
He knew there was someone else in her heart; he knew that by her answer and reaction.  
  
He never saw anyone get so pale and he wished he could take a look in her mind and her heart to know her real feelings and not the ones she pretended to the world outside.  
  
He knew there was someone who kept her heart closed.  
  
The only question was who.  
  
He was certain he would find out, one way or another. 


	7. Chapter Seven

Rose's total surrounding changed in a split second.  
  
The darkness was chased away by a golden light and the coldness in the room turned into a warmth she had never known before.  
  
As she turned, she faced a beautiful valley, covered up with flowers and trees.  
  
Proud, high trees that stroke the sky with their tops.  
  
In the sky a few snow white clouds alternated the blue sky.  
  
Right under those clouds, fine colored birds cleaved through, singing breath - taking songs.  
  
In the valley streamed a clear blue river with the gold sparkles of the mirrored sun.  
  
Around her little butterflies flew with colors as if they were painted by Monet himself.  
  
The soft humming of the hundreds of bees soaring eased her in an incredible way.  
  
She took a deep breathe and could taste the nectar in the bright - colored flowers beneath her.  
  
Apparently, she stood on a hill, gazing out on the world beneath her.  
  
Something this beautiful, she had never seen in her entire life.  
  
She sighted softly as she kept on looking.  
  
All of the sudden, she felt strong and yet soft arms wrap around her and her breath stopped while her heartbeat accelerated.  
  
She felt the touch she had missed for so long.  
  
The scent of charcoal that she had grown to love and that smelled so familiar.  
  
Rose closed her eyes and held on to this moment for life, she burned it into her heart.  
  
Silently she turned around, afraid to look up, scared of waking up.  
  
As she lifted he face up, she stared into a pair of the blue eyes she had seen a thousands times before, in her dreams and her memories but every time she looked into them, she discovered new.  
  
The silver sparkles in the center captured her heart.  
  
A smile formed on both their lips and Rose felt hot tears running out of her eyes.  
  
"Jack." she said soft and in disbelief.  
  
A hand tenderly brushed the tears of her face.  
  
"Rose."  
  
She took in the sound of the voice, warm and caring, strong and masculine.  
  
They stared at one another for minutes, needing some time to believe that they were together.  
  
It was Rose who ended the silence.  
  
"Tell me it isn't a dream."  
  
Jack's face turned dejected.  
  
"I can't. It is, Rose. You know that."  
  
Rose looked away, whispering: "I know."  
  
Jack's eyes started to shine again.  
  
"But we're still here, right?"  
  
On his lips formed the grin of a schoolboy who's up to no good.  
  
He quickly took Rose's hand and guided her to a small path down, to the valley.  
  
Rose followed confused but started to laugh when Jack speeded up their trip down.  
  
They ran towards the field and the dropped themselves in the middle of the flowers.  
  
The pollen tickled their nose and made Jack sneeze a couple of times while Rose roared with laughter.  
  
"I love that sound." Jack whispered softly in her ear.  
  
Rose looked deep in his eyes and saw the glitter in it that she always searched for.  
  
She pulled him close to her and finally their lips met, as if they had never been away.  
  
Rose couldn't describe what she felt: it was a mixture of passion, love and sadness.  
  
Sadness because she knew this was not real life, that it was merely a dreamed fantasy world.  
  
But she didn't let that reality come to her senses and she was lost in the moment.  
  
Jack suddenly broke their kiss and got on his feet.  
  
Surprised Rose followed his example.  
  
She looked at him incomprehensibly but there was something in his eyes that was far too revealing, she knew she could trust him.  
  
"Come on." was all he said as he carefully took Rose's fragile hand into his.  
  
The path was nearly visible and Rose almost tripped a couple of times but Jack always made sure nothing would harm her.  
  
The gangway led to an incredible place: a willow that hung over the crystal river and offered some protection from the burning sun.  
  
Directly underneath the tree lied a bank of soft grass covered with oxeye daisies.  
  
Rose couldn't believe her own eyes.  
  
The babble of the river and the twittering of the birds high above them, made her feel so at ease.  
  
A soft spring breeze played with her hair and felt cooling on her skin.  
  
Rose sad down on the chair of grass and she pulled Jack down with.  
  
She cuddled into his arms and she never wanted this moment to end.  
  
"Rose, we need to talk."  
  
His voice sounded very serious all of a sudden and his face looked pale as she turned to him.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Rose, I can't watch you go on like this. You have to start your life again."  
  
She searched for the right words but it was if they didn't exist in English.  
  
"I can't bear to see you cry Rose, knowing that I'm the one you're crying for. I swore myself never to hurt you but I do."  
  
Tears ran out of his eyes and he couldn't even look at her.  
  
"All I want is for you to start over, live the life you always wanted. Even if that means you'll have to forget me..." he continued.  
  
"Jack, ask me to climb the highest mountain or get water from the moon but don't ask me to forget you. I simply can't."  
  
Rose felt strong pricking tears form in the corner of her eyes but she forced herself not to cry, knowing how much it hurt Jack.  
  
"I want to finally live the life I always wanted but I hoped to spend it with you and now that's impossible. I thought I had it all figured out: we were going to see the world and we'd start a family, have beautiful children, and eventually grow old together. Now that dream is crushed, and I need some time to get over that, that may take days, months, years, maybe even my entire lifetime, but I will pick up where I left of, I promise. All I need is time."  
  
Jack understood her but the pain in his heart from seeing Rose shutting the world out was too much to leave unknown to Rose.  
  
"Rose, why do you let every inch of happiness pass you by?"  
  
In her eyes Jack could read she had no clue of what was trying to say.  
  
"Why did you say no to John?"  
  
There it was, it was finally of his chest.  
  
Rose turned pale when she heard that name.  
  
"I'm not ready yet for someone else, Jack. You have to give me time to mourn and only when I'm back on my feet again, I could welcome another man in my life. You're too much in my heart to truly be ready to love again, whenever John would look in my eyes, he'd see you reflecting back. But one day, I'll be ready to let someone in my heart again."  
  
At that Jack felt comforted.  
  
An unpleasant silence followed.  
  
"I'm sorry." he said softly.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"That I left you, that I didn't try harder to go on."  
  
His eyes stared out to the horizon, his voice trembled.  
  
"Jack, I know you tried you're best. We can't escape our destiny. Everything happens for a reason. No one could have survived what you went through."  
  
Rose said as she tenderly stroke his arms.  
  
"I should have been there for you..."  
  
"You were there for me, and you still are."  
  
"Maybe we never should have met."  
  
"Don't say that! Without you, I never would have been able to break with my old life. Without you I never would known what true love is."  
  
Jack still wasn't convinced.  
  
"But you never would have gone through this pain."  
  
"I would have been dead by now if it wasn't for you. I would have suffocated in that golden cage."  
  
Jack kept on looking to that one point in the sky.  
  
"I know I can't really be with you physically, but I'll be with you every step you take, I swear. I'll be that star high above you in dark and that little ray of sunlight during the day. I'll always be there for you..."  
  
He brought his mouth to hers and they kissed passionately.  
  
Jack broke the kiss for an instant and said: "I love you." 


	8. Chapter Eight

Suddenly the colors started to mingle with each other until it gave one grey shine.  
  
Rose and Jack knew this was goodbye.  
  
A strong wind blew Rose of the ground and made her float in the sky.  
  
She saw Jack looking up to her and she could still read the love in his eyes.  
  
A ray of light dripped in her eyes as she opened them slowly.  
  
She was back in her apartment as if nothing had happened, but she knew the truth.  
  
She decided to get up, although she didn't have to go to work.  
  
Maybe she should go out for shopping or pay Mrs. Armstrong and Suzie a visit.  
  
She walked to the other side of the room where a dull, old dresser filled the wall.  
  
The doors protested aloud when she opened it and the musty scent of wood descended on her.  
  
There wasn't much collected in it, but Rose didn't need anything more, just the basic.  
  
As she went through her collection of dresses which only counted five, she nudged into Cal's overcoat she had kept after arriving in New York.  
  
She reached into the right pocket and pulled out 'Le Coeur De La Mer'.  
  
She held it close to her heart as it always remembered her of the drawing Jack had made of her.  
  
It was a pity she didn't keep that drawing, something to clutch on to.  
  
All she now had was a stone, a cold stone.  
  
But the blue reminded her of Jack's eyes and the memory it was intertwined with made it her only link with the past.  
  
Right after she got settled in here, she sold her engagement ring for a decent sum.  
  
The money she had found in the pockets, had assured her to find a good place and a start without poverty.  
  
She knew she could never sell 'The Heart of the Ocean'.  
  
It was too noticeable and could easily lead Cal to her.  
  
Besides, selling it was the last thing she wanted to do.  
  
She had to find a safe keeping for it, bur for the time being the coat was good enough.  
  
She returned searching out an acceptable dress and she picked out a simple, plain grey one.  
  
She stepped into the bathroom and tried to put her recalcitrant hair in the right way.  
  
Her hear had grown more than usual and it was time she'd chase a pair of scissors through it.  
  
She left the hat where it was and grabbed her purse as she stepped out the door.  
  
Rose bumped into Mrs. Russell, who seemed to be in the mood for a little chat.  
  
"Rose, my child. I haven't seen you in days! How are you? I thought something had happened to you.  
  
Mrs. Russell kept on babbling, while Rose wasn't really interested in all it.  
  
All she heard were scraps, just enough to keep on understanding.  
  
"Anyway, I got to go to the grocery. Mrs. White is not feeling to well and she asked me to bring some flower for her. Her grandchild celebrates his birthday tomorrow and she wanted to bake a cake for the little one. Isn't that sweet? By the way, if you want you can get bread from her every Wednesday. Tuesday is her baking day and on Wednesday she sells them to everyone who has ordered one. I think that a slipped disc is bothering Mrs. White. What do you think?"  
  
Rose got snapped back to reality.  
  
"I don't know, Mrs. Russell. I don't really know much about sort of thing. Besides I haven't seen Mrs. White for weeks. I didn't even know there was something wrong with her."  
  
"Then you do now. Rose girl, you really should get out more. The world might come to an end without you knowing."  
  
Rose forced a little smile on her face.  
  
"So where are you going to, my child?" Mrs. Russell continued.  
  
"Well, I'm heading to the grocer's as well. It's been a long while and I'm all out of stock."  
  
"I'll walk with you. Maybe you could even help me with the bags later on. I'm not that strong anymore."  
  
"I'd be honored to."  
  
Rose was glad with some company and inflicted herself to listen to the old lady.  
  
The grocery was only a block away but at Mrs. Russell's speed, it took them fifteen minutes.  
  
But Rose didn't care at all. She enjoyed being out, breathing fresh air.  
  
The kids were pulling mischief which cost at least five men chase them through the street. Rose couldn't tell rather they were serious or just playing but just in case she blocked the way for a man who had caught up very close to the kids.  
  
The boys did seem to appreciate it and Rose had to laugh at their reaction.  
  
Mrs. Russell looked at the whole scene in a mixture of amusement and indignation.  
  
"Don't you remember what it is like to be a child?" Rose asked after seeing the expression on Mrs. Russell's face.  
  
"I do," she answered" that is why I envy those kids."  
  
Rose didn't understand what Mrs. Russell meant by that. "When I was little, I was more boy than girl." Mrs. Russell explained "but of course I had to stay in and help mother with the house keeping. Whenever I was allowed to play, the only thing I could touch were some dolls I didn't even like. Of course, I was disobedient and snuck out whenever I could to go and play football with the boys of my street or whatever they were doing.  
  
The punishments were always a lot less pleasant but it never prevented me to sneak out and do everything a girl shouldn't do."  
  
Rose laughed as she tried to imagine it. A girl with little pony - tails and a white dress playing football with rough boys.  
  
By now they had reached the grocer's and stepped in.  
  
Everything was packed on the shelves and you have to search the store three times before you find what you're looking for because usually you just run right passed it.  
  
While Rose was searching for something for dinner tonight, someone touched her arm.  
  
Rose looked up furious but couldn't bring out a word after she saw the face. 


	9. Chapter Nine

"Julie?" Rose managed to press over her lips.  
  
The girl looked at her in disbelief.  
  
"Miss Rose, it is you."  
  
Rose eyes grew wide and she felt little, cold hand grab her throat.  
  
"Is that you, Julie?"  
  
"Yes, it is, Miss Rose. I can't believe my own eyes."  
  
Rose felt the hands closing in on her throat and cutting her breath.  
  
Suddenly a memory flashed before her eyes: Rose is standing in the middle of a dark room, unable to say what or where.  
  
Next to her stands her mother, who's giving orders to a young, skinny girl.  
  
Why did she have to run into a ghost of her past?  
  
"Julie, what are you doing here?" Her voice trembled but she tried to keep a cool composure.  
  
The girl looked at her with a gloom in her eyes that eased Rose.  
  
"Don't worry, Miss Rose. I know what happened, I won't turn you in."  
  
The hands let go of her throat and Rose was able to breathe normally again.  
  
"I don't longer serve your mother, Miss Rose. You have nothing to fear. I'm not going to say a word."  
  
Rose smiled relieved and a soft sigh left her lips.  
  
Mrs. Russell walked in on them and looked surprised at Julie who suddenly felt very uncomfortable.  
  
The woman inspected Julie head to toe and a certain tension hung in the air even though Mrs. Russell usually was very open and friendly to strangers.  
  
Rose tried to soothe the situation.  
  
"Mrs. Russell, this is an old friend of mine. Julie Franklin."  
  
Julie had trouble keeping her laughter silent and nodded along.  
  
This seemed to have broken the ice between the two.  
  
"Miss Julie, it is a pleasure to meet you. I'm Mrs. Russell. You are a fine looking girl. Rose, are you sure you aren't related? Where are you from my child? You don't seem to be from around here. Are you from Colorado? You look like you've had a childhood out in the country. Or are you from Nebraska, Idaho maybe? No, I know! You're not even American; you're English or maybe Irish. No, what am I saying, you're a childhood friend of Rose, so you must be from Wisconsin. But are you sure your mother or father isn't English? I always recognize an Englishman, or in your case an Englishwoman, when I see one."  
  
Rose tried to keep her laughter in and Julie turned completely red.  
  
"I don't think so, Mrs. Russell."  
  
"I think we'd better be going." Rose quickly said to change the subject.  
  
"Have you got everything darling?" Mrs. Russell asked.  
  
"Yes, I think so, just give me a minute." Rose replied.  
  
Mrs. Russell said goodbye to Julie and then tried to force her way through a group of people and resumed making her way to the register.  
  
"Julie, I want to talk to you tonight. Do you know 'The Witters tea - house'? Meet me there at nine o'clock." Rose asked.  
  
The girl nodded and answered: "I'll be there."  
  
Rose turned around and needed to take on a firm step to close in on Mrs. Russell who had already paid and was dragging the heavy flower bags out of the store.  
  
Rose quickly paid for the loaf of brown bread, the bottle of milk and the few apples she had took from the shop.  
  
She'd come back tomorrow, to get the rest she needed.  
  
All she wanted right now was to talk to Julie and to make sure this wasn't one of Cal's tricks.  
  
When she left the store and joined Mrs. Russell, Rose was scared, scared of being trapped in a web spun around her by Cal and her mother...  
  
The walk home annoyed Rose more than anything.  
  
Normally she loved the never resting tongue of Mrs. Russell but this time she wanted it to stop, to have a moment of peace and silence.  
  
The city had come to life and the noise that had grown so familiar to Rose resounded from everywhere.  
  
In the distance Rose could see the building rising up towards the sky.  
  
The coldness that had ruled the world yesterday had made room for a kind of warmth that seemed to come from a different part of the earth.  
  
Although the icy wind had lowered, it still blew forceful enough to calm Rose's fears.  
  
Julie had come into her life for a purpose, she was certain of it.  
  
All she had to do was figure out what that reason was and who had sent Julie.  
  
Mrs. Russell continued her story but she felt Rose didn't listen.  
  
All she wished for was that Rose would open up to her a bit, that she'd take off the mask that fooled a thousand others but couldn't deceive Mrs. Russell.  
  
She had seen the loss in Rose's eyes she had discovered in hers when her husband had died.  
  
She saw Rose was going through something she couldn't face alone anymore more but that she deliberately hid from the rest of the world.  
  
By now they had reached the steps of the building and silently started to ascend the stairs.  
  
Rose carried the bags of flower she had taken from Mrs. Russell after leaving the store and brought them up to the second floor where Mrs. White lived.  
  
She quickly putted the bags in the kitchen and left under loud protest of the two ladies who had tried to keep her for some tea.  
  
Rose couldn't stand the loudness anymore; she needed the comforting silence of her apartment.  
  
Seeing Julie had brought up a lot of memories from the past, memories she tried to suppress.  
  
Had it been her eyesight that failed or had it been her mind that played a wicked game but for one moment Julie's face had turned into Cal's and left her trembling all over.  
  
Rose didn't understand why but there was something about Julie that made her suspicious, even scared her.  
  
By now Rose had reached her apartment door and opened it slowly.  
  
The squeaking noise didn't bother her as much as it usually did, her mind was somewhere else.  
  
What if Julie didn't just run to her by chance?  
  
Would it be safe to meet tonight?  
  
There was something inside of her that told her to be very careful.  
  
Rose went into the bathroom and started to prepare a warm bath.  
  
Maybe that would calm her senses.  
  
As she undressed she felt the coldness that surrounded her.  
  
An icy wind seemed to storm right through the bathroom and froze everything on its path.  
  
She quickly slipped into the tub and tried to relax but the thought of Cal tracking her down and hauling her back to society didn't let go of her.  
  
She had fought for this life, Jack gave up his life for it and Rose would make sure that his death wouldn't be in vain. Nothing would drag her back.  
  
Nothing... 


	10. Chapter Ten

Julie left the store with the feeling that she had betrayed Rose.  
  
The little drop of sunshine that fell on her face seemed to burn her flesh.  
  
She knew that what she was doing was wrong but that she had no choice. Heavy footsteps behind interrupted her thoughts.  
  
She could hear by the firmness and speed of those steps it could only be one person.  
  
Julie slowly turned around and stared right in the face she had expected.  
  
"Have you done as I have ordered?" the voice sounded angry and hastened.  
  
"Yes sir. She asked me to meet her tonight."  
  
The man lit a cigarette as he continued.  
  
"You will meet her, and I'll be there too."  
  
"Sir, if she would see you..."  
  
"She won't. Just make sure you get all the information I need."  
  
Julie looked down at the ground afraid to even look the man in his eyes.  
  
"Is that understood?" it sounded threatening and Julie winced.  
  
"Yes sir. She told me to meet her at 'The Witters Tea - House' tonight at nine."  
  
"I'll be there."  
  
At that the man turned around and started to walk away, leaving Julie alone, trembling all over.  
  
Her heart felt as if it was jumping up and down in her chest.  
  
Was it the feeling of fear or guild that made her weak but she needed to sit down.  
  
This wasn't her; it was someone else who was doing this, who was betraying an old friend.  
  
Julie remembered being six or seven, playing in the kitchen when suddenly a beautiful five year old girl pulled her arm and asked if she could play too.  
  
She could see by the expression of the girl's face she was desperately searching for a playmate.  
  
Julie laughed as she thought back.  
  
They had spent wonderful hours together, playing with everything they could get their hands on.  
  
But she'd never forget the tears that were in Rose's eyes when her mother came dragging her back up after she snuck out to play again.  
  
For so long, they had been best friends then suddenly everything changed.  
  
The death of her father that shut Rose from every one, that closed the only chink there was left for their friendship to grow.  
  
Then Caledon Hockley coming into her life, the man that had killed the old Rose bit by bit and she could do nothing but watch, watch how the old Rose got butchered.  
  
Julie had hated that man ever since he had one foot in the house.  
  
All the good times they had had, disappeared and flooded away with the tears Rose cried every night.  
  
Julie's heart cried along with her for so long.  
  
Then how could she do this?  
  
But deep down inside she knew she had no choice, this was a matter of life and death.... 


	11. Chapter Eleven

John sat in front of his coffee, trying to block the hangover out.  
  
Maybe he had overdone it yesterday.  
  
The black liquid looked at him in way that John knew it was making fun of him.  
  
How could he have gone so terrible out of line?  
  
The knowledge that he had screamed at Rose, probably even had hurt her ripped his heart out of his chest.  
  
Still the old man ran through his mind.  
  
He disappeared just as quickly as he had come, as if he had dissolved into the air.  
  
The talk had done him good but left him with a lot of questions.  
  
He didn't understand what the man had tried to explain him.  
  
The man seemed to know a lot of life and women; it felt like talking to his own father.  
  
He didn't understand the true depth of advice the man had given him but John knew that the man was right in whatever he had tried to tell him.  
  
Rose was still young, ready to face a world, not the real one but a fantasy world with adventures, breathtaking sites and knights in shining armors; not true love, at least that's what John expected.  
  
But something deep inside of him told him that there was someone else in Rose's heart, someone who held the key to that heart.  
  
He wished he knew who that was, so that he could understand his rivals.  
  
That he could fight his opponent.  
  
If only he knew who he was...  
  
With that thought in his head he brought his cup of coffee to his lips and took a little sip of it.  
  
The coffee was strong and seemed to fight his headache immediately.  
  
He felt the hot liquid stream down his throat, warming him inside.  
  
He needed to get his mind off of Rose and decided that he'd go out for a walk in Central Park.  
  
Maybe the wind could blow him off his thoughts.  
  
He finished his coffee in one draught and wrapped his coat around him.  
  
As soon as the fresh air penetrated his nose he could feel his headache drain away.  
  
The soft wind did clear his mind of everything and the noise of busy New York didn't even bother him.  
  
The streets were crowded and he heard at least five different languages being screamed around.  
  
That's what he liked so much about New York: the different cultures that lived here, people from everywhere over globe seemed to found a new home in New York.  
  
The screaming of a paperboy made him stop abruptly.  
  
"Hockley in state of depression after death of fiancée! Get your newspaper here!" the boy cried out above the rest of the voices.  
  
John forced his way through the crowd to get to the boy, slipped him the money and dragged a newspaper out of the boy's hand.  
  
Now he'd have something to read in the park, something that would probably be very interesting.  
  
John looked at the headline which said in big letters: 'STEEL TYCOON ON THE VERGE OF BREAKING DOWN'  
  
That title alone already promised a lot of reading pleasure.   
  
The rest of the walk seemed endless and after finally reaching Central Park, finding a bench was almost impossible.  
  
So out of alternatives, John laid down in the grass that still felt a bit moist.  
  
The first thing that drew his attention was a picture of Rose in the middle of the page.  
  
Her hair was pinned up and a thread of gold held it there.  
  
John couldn't believe his eyes.  
  
The article stood full of lies, that was obvious to John.  
  
It contained a short interview with Caledon Hockley and some words from people who had known Rose.  
  
John's eyes stopped in the middle of the interview, his blood boiling with anger.  
  
He read the first sentences over and over again, trying to grasp the incredible act Hockley was performing.  
  
'The loss of my beloved Rose has scarred me for life. I'll never be the same again. Her gentle laugh will never fill my ears again and I'll never again feel her gentle touch. She crossed over before I ever got to tell her how much I love her.'  
  
The rest of the interview was filled with even more lies and John gave up reading it.  
  
Under the interview there was a section with the responses of people who had known Rose.  
  
Again it was some sentimental crab no one bought anyway but between all the bullshit, there was a word of someone who had apparently shared a lifeboat with her.  
  
'I remember Rose sitting in the same lifeboat I was in. She stared up, towards a young man, her fiancé stood next to him but I could see that she and the young man were looking at each other with a love in their eyes I have never seen before.  
  
We weren't even half way down or she jumped back on Titanic to be with that man. Whoever he was, they must have loved each other very much... '  
  
John couldn't believe his eyes, this couldn't be.  
  
Whoever had said this must have been out of their mind.  
  
Tears welled up in his eyes as he realized the truth.  
  
"So I'm fighting someone I'll never be able to beat..." he said nearly above a whisper... 


	12. Chapter Twelve

Rose stepped out of the tub and grabbed the towel that hung over the bidet.  
  
It was made out of rough fabric that rubbed his way through her flesh.  
  
A wave of exhaustion flew over her and Rose decided that she'd better take some extra sleep.  
  
The warm sheets felt good on her cold skin.  
  
She prayed for a gentle wind, to bring back Jack, even it was for only a few hours, one night.  
  
She never thought she could miss someone as much as she missed Jack.  
  
Neither did she ever suspect that she could love anyone the way she loved Jack.  
  
She needed his arms around her now, to feel his touch, to take in his scent.  
  
She tried to be strong but deep down inside everything was slowly falling apart.  
  
She thought back to the beautiful moments they had shared together: the afternoon on the deck, the way he had spoken about his life had made her ache for freedom.  
  
The smile he had given her on the bow seemed to still radiate in her eyes.  
  
To feel the touch of his lips on hers had made her tremble and the thought of it still did.  
  
The way they had made love, with so much passion and love, more than she ever thought possible.  
  
She could still taste his lips, sweet and a bit sour.  
  
How could she live without that?  
  
What was the use?  
  
She needed him more than ever, why did fate have to tear them apart?  
  
Something that felt so right and true...  
  
Suddenly her mind turned to John.  
  
What she felt for him was a deep friendship but no love.  
  
She wondered if she could ever love again.  
  
But then she knew that time would eventually heal the wound a bit, but never enough to forget about the pain.  
  
She couldn't give herself to John yet, maybe later.  
  
The hurt was still too strong.  
  
At that she closed her eyes but she couldn't find rest.  
  
A beautiful melody kept playing in her mind; it was even that melody that had woken her up.  
  
It didn't seem to let go of her.  
  
And there was something about that tune that captured Rose's heart.  
  
As if a choir of white angels was singing it especially for her.  
  
She knew the only way she could preserve the music was by putting it together with words.  
  
She stood up and grabbed a pen as she sat down at the little writing table.  
  
The words came to her in a flow and Rose had problems writing them all down in between her tears that came stronger with every letter she wrote.  
  
The water of her tears mingled with the ink and formed pools of dark.  
  
Something happened inside of her as she wrote the words.  
  
A great piece of grief seemed to transport from her heart onto the little sheet of paper.  
  
Her wrist ached and her fingers felt numb but she had put down every word that had rushed through her mind.  
  
She looked at it and couldn't believe she had just written that.  
  
It symbolized exactly what she felt and she needed to hear.  
  
In a shaky handwriting she could read:  
  
Every night in my dreams I see you, I feel you  
  
That is how I know you go on  
  
Far across the distance and spaces between us  
  
You have come to show you go on  
  
Near, far, wherever you are  
  
I believe that the heart does go on  
  
Once more you open the door  
  
And you're here in my heart  
  
And my heart will go on and on  
  
Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime  
  
And never let go till we're gone  
  
Love was when I loved you, one true time I hold to  
  
In my life we'll always go on  
  
Near, far, wherever you are  
  
I believe that the heart does go on  
  
Once more you open the door  
  
And you're here in my heart  
  
And my heart will go on and on  
  
You're here, there's nothing I fear  
  
And I know that my heart will go on  
  
We'll stay forever this way.  
  
You are safe in my heart  
  
And my heart will go on and on  
  
Music by James Horner Lyrics by Will Jennings 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

John kept staring at Rose's picture in the paper and the words still rang in his head, over and over, like a film.  
  
'They must have loved each other very much.'  
  
He couldn't understand.  
  
Hot tears burned his cheeks, as he read the article over and over.  
  
'They must have loved each other very much.'  
  
He felt the sudden warmth of hot spring rain falling down on him.  
  
He looked up at the grey sky and saw little diamonds leaving heaven.  
  
The drops grew bigger and departed the sky too quickly not to hurt.  
  
John stood up and ran out of the park, knowing that running home would be too far to not get drowned.  
  
The only one who lived close was Rose and without any other possibility he pointed his feet towards her flat, knowing how hard it was going to be to face her again.  
  
He ran through the deserted streets like a madman with in his head only the things he wanted to say to Rose.  
  
He was angry with her, why didn't she tell him the truth.  
  
Why did she lie to him after he had told her he loved her?  
  
Why didn't she just say the truth, that would have hurt but at least it wouldn't have been this painful.  
  
The little stones of water cut his flesh and he was soaked when he finally reached Rose's apartment building.  
  
The hall was cold and drafty but he was out of the rain.  
  
John quickly made his way up to Rose's place, without making too much noise.  
  
The green door looked at him in a threatening way.  
  
He clung onto the newspaper that still was in his hand.  
  
Would he show it to her?  
  
He decided to make a stone of his heart and knocked hard.  
  
Rose looked up from her writing table, surprised.  
  
Tears still burned her eyes and made her almost too blind to find the door.  
  
She quickly rubbed the tears away with the back of her hand as she opened the door.  
  
Before her stood John, as wet as a drowned cat and with an expression on his face that meant no good.  
  
"John." was all she managed to say.  
  
"May I come in Rose?" he tried to make his voice sound friendly.  
  
He saw that she had cried and he hoped she wouldn't notice that he had done the same.  
  
"Of course. Come in." it sounded weak and absent.  
  
"I've got something to show you." John said holding the paper up.  
  
In his eyes the pain and disappointment returned.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
He threw the paper onto the table and sat down.  
  
"I want you to read this." as he opened the front page.  
  
Rose took a step back as she saw the headline.  
  
"It's about Cal, isn't it?" she asked unnecessary.  
  
"And about a lot more." John tried not to sound so bitter.  
  
Rose gave him that awkward look again as she took the paper in her hands.  
  
Her eyes flew over the letters, her anger rising with every word she read.  
  
"These are lies, John every word of it." Rose said not understanding why he seemed so cross with her.  
  
"And these are lies too I presume." He pointed his finger on the little part on the bottom of the page, where the only truth in the article was hidden.  
  
Her heart missed a couple of beats as she read the few words of truth.  
  
All she could do was stare at her feet while John lost his temper.  
  
"Why did you lie? Why didn't you just tell me? I don't understand you, Rose. Was it a lot of fun to see me suffer? You are so selfish, did you ever even think about my feelings?"  
  
Rose sobbed quietly as John continued: "And where is he now then? Ran out on you when you had no more money? Suddenly he realized he didn't love you anymore now that you were poor? Tell me Rose, where is he now?"  
  
Rose looked at him for the first time since he had started to yell, and John could see hate in them.  
  
"He's dead now, John, on the bottom of the Atlantic to be exact! He died for me! He died so I could live" She screamed hysterically.  
  
All John wanted to do was to get out and pray he never would have said the things he had.  
  
He saw the despair and sorrow in Rose's eyes clearly for the first time in his life.  
  
Suddenly, all out of energy, Rose sat down and rocked herself back and forth.  
  
"He's dead, he's dead..." she whispered to no one.  
  
The tears still flew down her cheeks and dripped onto the floor.  
  
Dazed John looked at his hands as the true depth of Rose's fury sank into him.  
  
Regret filled his body as he stood up and put his hand around Rose's shoulder.  
  
Rose quickly shoved his hands off of her and continued sobbing.  
  
John suddenly felt an incredible anger well up in his body and stormed out the door.  
  
Outside he could still hear Rose crying in a desperate tone.  
  
For a second he grabbed the latch but let go of it just as fast.  
  
He ran out of the building back into the raging rain which seemed to calm his nerves a little. 


End file.
